I don't quite know how to explain to you the multitude of feelings I've gone through this week. From a euphoric high at the excitement of being able to be with and help Erika this week with Persson, to the lowest of lows and sorrow at the sudden and tragic death of a friend and co-worker of Mark's.
This week Scott went back to work after two weeks and a Monday holiday (MLK day) off. I arrived early Tuesday morning to find a teary eyed, new mom snuggling her baby. It was difficult for Erika to say goodbye to Scott, and likewise, for Scott to leave, after spending the past two weeks together, bringing into this world, the new life they had created and for first week at home as the new family of three got acquainted. My memory zoomed back to the first day that Mark went back to work after the twins were born. I cried, and in my heart I was screaming, please don't leave me. The emotion is like nothing you have ever felt before and probably never will. I remember in those days, telling my mother that I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach that I used to get when I was little. After some thought, I realized I felt homesick. Homesick for my husband to be home with me and our two new babies. I knew exactly what Erika was feeling Tuesday morning and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it except, be there. In spite of her emotions, it turned out to be a nice day. Persson is great and is simply an easy going baby. Erika is very comfortable with him and he really responds to her voice. When I'm holding him and she speaks from another part of the room, he literally will turn his head to look for her. I did some housework, made lunch, rocked Persson and did whatever I could to help Erika. As evening came and I was thinking about getting ready to go home, I got a call from Mark that shook me to the very bone.
He called Erika's cell phone which, for one, was a bit unusual. With my usual, "hi, how's work today?" He answered with such a heaviness to his voice as he told me that one of his workers, a very close worker and friend, Janice Lang, had just been killed. I know Janice, I know her pretty well. Every time I visit Mark at work she always makes time to come in and talk with me. She's sent home gifts for the grandkids and was always the one to go out and make up a gift bag from the office whenever Mark and I had a new grandchild. Janice had dropped her car off across the street earlier in the day to have an oil change. Seeing that the shop would be closing soon, she told Mark she was running across the street to go pick up her car and never returned. Janice was hit twice and killed immediately while crossing the street. When I heard these words coming from Mark on the phone, I let out a gasp and couldn't believe what I was hearing. It was all too surreal to even think about let alone, actually happen. My Mark was so upset and sad. Janice was such a nice woman, but the thought of her being there one minute and literally gone the next, was just too much to comprehend. I didn't quite know what to do. I wanted to be with him, yet I was scared to drive over there. He said the place was all blocked off anyway and for me not to come and that he'd be home later.
What started as a happy day spent with my new grandson, turned into a sorrow I'd never felt before. I've felt sorrow in my lifetime sure, but never the kind from a tragic and senseless accident as this. I left Erika's and prayed all the way home. I cried in my car and asked God to comfort Janice's only daughter and all those who loved her. After that, I just didn't know what to pray. I kept saying to God, "I don't know what to say, I don't know what to say". I couldn't even really think straight and before I knew it I was home. Mark finally came home around 9:00pm and said that the road was still blocked off when he left the office. We stayed up late that night and even when I finally did go to bed, I kept the TV on. Three nights in a row, I kept the TV on because I was so afraid of waking up in the night and being alone in the dark with my thoughts.
I was happy to have the distraction of being able to help Erika and the baby during the days this week, but never did that dark cloud blow away. For a while I'd forget while I was doing something at Erika's or while cuddling the baby. We even went to the baby's dr. appointment one day which was a nice distraction but somehow that cloud always came back. Tomorrow we are going to the wake. Janice was a widow. She only had a daughter, son in-law and two little grandchildren. No parents, and 1 sibling. I hope and pray for her daughter that there will be a good show of people from the Postal Service. I know she will be missed by a lot of her co-workers.
On a happy note, Scott's mom, sister and little nephew Flynn, arrived yesterday from Mississippi. They'll be here for the next 11 days to visit and help out with Persson. I'm so happy and excited that they are here. I feel like they are my family too. I'm also hoping for a nice big snow storm for them since they don't get to see that at home.
Ohh yeah, I almost forgot. Little Persson went to the urologist yesterday to have his kidney checked out. His ultrasound showed that there is still a blockage but that it is very minimal and should clear up on its own. He has to go back in 4 months ( I think that's what Erika said, lol) to be checked again but for now, all is good. Thank you God.
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Okay, until next time,
Take care,
Janice
Thank you so much for your kind thoughts and prayers during this very difficult and emotional time. I'm really going to miss Janice quite a bit. She was someone I could always count on and someone who was always, always was there for others. Janice was one of the most helpful, kind and giving people I've known, which makes this tragic and senseless loss even more hard to cope with. We will remember her well for all of the good that she did as well as for her great sense of humor. Janice could really make us laugh. And she was so proud of the fact that she passed the bar on her first attempt in becoming an attorney about six years ago (she was 67 when she died). There were not too many things she didn't think she couldn't accomplish. Age was simply a number for Janice and to her, there was so much more for her to do and to live for. She also lived for and loved her grandchildren so much and loved to tell me about what she did with them. Janice was an inspiration in so many ways, to so many people. I'm comforted in knowing that she had a deep faith in God as well and that she is now in a far better place. Goodbye to a wonderful friend and colleague.
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